the exorcism of betty crocker

i don't know if it was the rain that inspired me to be productive this weekend without leaving the house. but i managed to pull all this yumminess out of my proverbial hat!



Let's begin with barefoot contessa's sourcream coffee cake, this was really good. my neighbor said "divine". i'll take it! i followed the reviews and double the cinnamon crumb mixture that went inside - again yum! http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/sour-cream-coffee-cake-recipe/index.html

double chocolate cookies which i added a little of the starbucks instant coffee mix b/c i heard it makes chocolate taste more chocolately. but they taste like coffee to me now. i think it's b/c i do not drink coffee or alcohol and i have the taste buds of a 9 yr old when it comes to adult beverages!

OOH - now this was my first ginger bread house from scratch. i wanted the easiest recipe that required the least amount of work and ingredients b/c i don't let them eat it anyways and it was easy! http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/gingerbread-house-recipe/index.html

here they are with their finished creations.
i also made dough for butter cookies and sugar cookies. i will start sometime this week and bake up some goodies for B's co-workers. thank god it rained this weekend b/c i really could not leave the house to accomplish all of this.

i am on to next project of making the family stockings this year. they will design and i will make. hey if i can't do it while i am not working then it will never happen right? i also got some yarn to knit a scarf - HA HA! i forgot to cast on though - i need help from my friend c - you know who u are!

fb has ruined my holiday card!

this year i had a great idea for a holiday card which included trying to find b a white blazer but - alas! it is hard to find white blazers in the winter. plan b - now when i try to get together photos to collage together for a card i find the best ones you have all seen already. why? b/c of facebook! if i like a pic - i plaster it on there and it is done. keeping in touch is now difficult to communicate anything fresh. oh boo!

Post traumatic sick syndrome

H1N1

M was sick last wednesday - K and i caught it friday. then it turned into croup for K on sunday. it is almost one week and i am still f#cking not better. M and i got the H1N1 vaccination on tuesday (the nurse snuck a vaccine for me). even though i was under the weather i put live virus up my nose. i feel worse for doing it. i hope i am out of the woods by tomorrow since it is thanksgiving. i know everyone is getting better b/c they do not have to have sleepless nights making sure windpipes don't close. it is my lot in life. the big B is convinced he is not sick b/c of his budweiser diet. why does he think this? the neighbors also got sick and they do not drink either. so that is his proof. so on he drinks. is this fair?

dwell on the dull

i now will allow myself to write about anything i want. no supporting pictures or interesting stories. i don't seem to have the energy to do it. it worked for seinfeld right? a show about nothing. my blog about nothing...

today i chaperoned a filed trip to the de young museum. we walked. we walked far and uphill. 4 classes of kindergartners with their lunch boxes, jackets and low attention span. i thought we would see the museum and it would be fun to see the art. but oh no. i was tricked by the teacher who loves to have me around. a lovely (i use that term loosely) group of old ladies were putting on a performance of beauty and the beast. imagine little bitties from pac heights with their face lifts, bad acting and singing, being men and women of all ages. but they weren't that convincing as young women or men. it was reverse drag and it scared the kids. i kept having to explain to the kids that it was just costumes like they have at home but the creepy gender confusion even had me bewildered. it was also dark and lasted an hour.

other challenges - being in charge of all the boys going to the bathroom. i not being that experienced in mass peeing protocol, did not count how many went in. so how did i know how many would come out? note to self, always do a head count.

a girl got a bloody nose, i was first on to spot. so i was first one to administer a bunch of Starbucks napkins to her tiny nose that was gushing blood. luckily another parent took over, my ocd with cleanliness was taking over since blood was involved. we rushed all the kids out to the fountain to have lunch. BAD IDEA. all kids want to do is touch water or walk into street which was the two options. poor little girl had to lay down with ice pack on head. parent refused ride (over the phone) from another parent who sprinted to her car blocks away in uncomfortable shoes to take little girl back to school. oh no, only the principal was allowed to go get her. WHAT???? your child is bleeding profusely through her head and you only want a lady who has no time and no car seat to come pick her up? all the volunteer parents in our group gave each other permission to give our wounded children a ride under any circumstances.

well that was part of my dull to everyone but me day. following this was gymnastics and a playdate with anya and ayla. they play together better and better. chunk got tested, he can say uschi (ayla) and anya but still no micah - no mike, no kah. i personally think he is f*cking with me. but that's just like himm- i accept it.

what happened to me?

why is it that being unemployed makes me too busy to even sit down to let y'all know what i'm up to? since my memory is gone - this is the only hope i have to preserve what fun i do get to have. i have been up to a few things in the last week. non-kid related - can you imagine that?

1 week ago i persuaded a highschool friend who i will call "the mayor of sonoma county" (since he knows everyone!) to take me to a a show at the phoenix theatre to see a few old bands i used to see back in the day. i mean way back. victims family and no means no - hard rebellious stuff with big, aggressive, sweaty mosh pits that i used to stand in the middle of. i used to watch the swirl of shirtless boys running around me trying to hurt each other. it used to be fun. umm, not so much anymore - "the mayor's" wife J asked me to go up front with her. she is rambunctious and fun and just a doll. so, i reluctantly agreed. the band was playing a slower song so i was frankly bored as the people around me were just standing there - then POW! the band cranked it up and the whole place exploded. that's when you see an almost 40 year old woman, run like hell for the side, in her entirely too expensive shoes for that kind of event. did i say there yet there was a giant hillbilly in the pit in actual overalls? - i bet there was a piece of straw in his mouth too. HA HA - i'm such a chicken.

I also ran into the ex-fiance. yes i said ex. he did the always fun trick of tapping opposite shoulders and move out of the way several times to "trick" me. oh what fun. the ex part was not regretted after seeing him 15 years later. i am bad. very short conversation about nothing - 30 seconds max. kinda sad for a 5 years relationship to distill to something like that.

good friend E (ex-asst.) came for a visit from ny, always a fun spirit and good egg. we took the kids to the exploratorium on thursday. on friday we met up for dinner - i acted like an adult and got dressed up and went to dinner. i mean eye shadow was involved. i had to abort mission at the - get drinks after dinner stage though. it was already 1 am.

it was also a movie filled week - i saw couples retreat with JY and B and i took M to the double feature of toy story. that fulfill my requirements of 2 movies a year. WOW!

til we meet again...

ugh

what did i do to myself?

tick tock

i go to the office tmrw at 8:45. it should be less than an hour and guess what thing i have been stressing about the most? finding a proper zip up to wear home. pathetic huh? shopping for 2 days and i then gave up and looked in my closet. viola! some of the things you find way in the back behind the 175 pairs of jeans. i now have 3 zip up options. yeah! i have reluctantly took before pictures. which i will not post and they confirmed i need to have this done! wish me luck and i will be back in a few!

now waiting for the xanax to hit and watching the notebook - i love this girly movie!

finally a lunching like a lady!

so i had an idea of my time off as a lady who lunched. not so many lunches but more errands, kids stuff and what not. but i did have lunch today with DD a former colleague from work. she no longer works there and has by far lived it up more than anyone i know. it's been 4 months for her and i think she has been home about 5 of those days. the travel bug had always had it's teeth buried deep within her but it is on over drive now with out a job to have to go to.

i went to meet her at pacific catch on chestnut and it was soooo good! i had the ahi poke bowl with brown rice - it had avocado, seaweed salad and a refreshing daikon salad also. kind of like a bi bim bop. there is one here in the sunset that i look forward to going to if it is not as small and busy.

all in all it was fabulous company and fabulous food. funny how just a few months can make you drift apart from all these people you used to spend over 40 hrs a week with. the important ones will linger.

a must try!

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/cauliflower-gratin-recipe/index.html

i made a pork tenderloin tonight with this as the side dish. sooo good. M didn't like it b/c it had stuff on it. he likes it better when food is clean of all sauce and is in it's natural state. i know - my child is weird. B ate 2 servings though and the chunk liked it too.

it makes a lot of dishes though and i was sweating when i was done - i'm not used to making cheese sauce things so i was freaking out.

how can you go wrong when it is ina making something for her barefoot in paris episode.

enjoy!

lots of reasons not to...

here i am again. i have a been a terrible blogger. i have wanted to share thoughts, shoes and recipes and some how life took over and i was living it rather than sitting in front of this computer and telling no one in particular about it.

OMG! i just looked back to see when i last blogged and it's been ages! let's see what's happened since?

i have been to the emergency room again! they still can't figure out what's wrong with me. i am anemic now. i have to take iron forever. i will always be tired etc etc. and medication will be experimented with.

i have taken up bikram yoga. there is a studio 8 blocks away. seacliff bikram yoga studio has a $10 for 10 days and i went for 7! i am not one for exercising but i am now addicted. i saw results in three days. i will never push myself to sweat like that doing anything on my own so this is perfect. i can leave everything behind and just try to survive the class for 1 1/2 hours and come out the most sweaty mess ever, clothes soaked, red faced and elated. i joined for 6 months b/c who knows where i will be in 6 months anyways. it's been about 3 weeks and some clothes are falling off me now. all incentive to keep going. i also get to repurpose my pole dancing class shorts b/c i try to wear as little as possible. it's just those 8 blocks home that i get funny looks. it is foggy and i am wearing stripper shorts on my walk home. it is a vision that i hope none of you have to experience.

i bought an entirely too expensive pair of shoe/boots for an unemployed person. i will take a pic soon - they are lovely! nothing like retail therapy. who else goes to the same dr.? now i need to get the girls out so i can where them. except if it rains like today.

did summer never come? we just skipped to el nino? i digress. this is incredibly yucky.

B and chunk have been sick for a week so i have been doing ALOT by myself this last week. Chunk also had an allergic reaction to a bit of donut on top of all this. it may have been next to the one with coconut. so no more donuts for him.

we do have a bit of good news - the jag is working at the moment. it was in the shop for a month. it was pissing me off!!! the funny thing is when he drives it all these men gives him a "hey" or thumbs up. it's like some secret men's "i love jags that don't work that are working at the moment" club.

one last thing - i have my pre-op tomorrow. the surgery will be on thursday and i will undo the damage having 2 kids did. oooh the mystery...

i survived today

two kids, 2 colds means i stayed in my pajamas way past when i was supposed to and the kids were watching t.v. during the day time and eating cheez-its before 11am. 2 things i do not allow usually is day time t.v. on the week days and snacking on junk in the mornings. i did 5 hours and threw in the towel. sue me. i hope i don't take the easy road too often - but it sure is easier when elmo is singing to them and i had a moment to not have to be entertaining or playing referee. so sue me!

a good day for hubs

he made breakfast for the boys.

all of the food groups were represented.

i then made him breakfast - home made biscuits, porkchop, eggs w/gravy.

we went to flax - a wonderful art store to pick him up part of his promised father's day gift - i know, very belated. new markers, sketch pad and drawing bibs and bobs. the chunk helped him carry to the car.

then he loaded the $150 in markers alone in the trunk.

to end the day he bought a 1985 jaguar with 20,000 miles on it. so he got his car and it is a much better one! god decided that this was the car and not the previous 88 with 120,000 miles. we scored! the previous owner kept in storage for 20 yrs! so yeah, he had a good day. i got 2 pairs of scissors that cut the edges of paper all fancy - not bitter or anything.

lucky me

i have an interesting relationship with my hubs. he will clean the crap out of the house if i leave. if i stay, then couch city. i left for a play date today at 3pm and came back at 7 - dishes done, floors mopped and get this - it is the kicker - both bathrooms were cleaned too. there is no in between - he doesn't "tidy". he only goes for it when and only we are all gone or nothing.

another interesting thing happened today - B took the day off to finally see and buy this 88 Jag he's been interested in. 2 weeks of back and forth with the seller. 2 hours after he was supposed to show up with the car he decided that god told him that he should not drive up to sf or sell us the car. we were speechless. so no car - yet. he is on a serious hunt now for a dependable 20 yr old car.

b hinted today at the fact that there has been a slight transformation in me and he likes it. the added stress of work is fading and he says i act more like the girl he married years ago. before kids! he may move us to the suburbs to make this stint last longer. what surprises me the most is that i don't feel like i am acting nicer or nagging less. i do pack his lunch now. whatever it is i am very much still enjoying myself and am grateful that i have the opportunity to do this. lucky me!

craigslist back and forth

this last couple of weeks have been a great with craigslist. i bought a $400 cruiser bike for $200, a new bottle warmer for $20 regularly for $40. i sold my crib for $110 that i got for $100 (on sale). i sold a 5 year old stroller for $50 and gave her all the baby toys and random boppy and blankets. i loved to give it to people who really appreciate the stuff. to top it off this old jag transaction is going to happen tmrw - also a craiglist buy. this is kind of fun to do. even better to not have the stuff in our garage anymore!

can't sleep

i have lots of time in my life where i just simply can't sleep. tonight is reminding me of that. the mental exhaustion helped before when i was employed. but that is not the case anymore. my constant appt. and errand running does not tire me out like a good 9 hours of work thinking and talking about jeans. am i complaining about not having to work the 80 hours that my old team had to do last week? i better stop now!

i guess this is what compromise means

hubs has been coveting an '88 jag for the last couple of weeks. today he finally made the date to see the car and make the purchase if everything checks out. i casually ask - soooo where is this money coming from? hubs - oh i meant to ask you to write me a check so i can go deposit it now to pay for it and you sure are pretty. mind you this changing the subject rarely works on me. then admits that his day trading in my account should be able to pay for it. we live life in the fast lane - only we drive beaters down it.

may the force be with you

m love is so into everything star wars right now and found his cousins automatic light saber. automatic meaning with a press of a button the light saber part will shoot out of the handle at a speed faster than light. ok - not quite that fast but pretty fast. especially when said light saber is pointed point blank at my eye. he just wanted to show me how it worked but pointed it at the worst place possible. OUCH!!!!! i was so f*ckin shocked i screamed at the top of my lungs "get out! go any where but here." b/c i wanted to whoop his ass so bad. b said it was shocking to him how well i handled it. right under my eye socket and above my cheekbone - i had a heartbeat. we got ice on it fast. b is being nice b/c i could call "domestic violence" on him so i did get breakfast in bed today and he did the dishes. nice.

millionaire's shortbread

this is as good as it looks. look for it on foodtv.com, 5 ingredients only! i am sold as it only gets better as the days go on and is like eating a yummy version of a twix bar,

today's literal juggling

to begin with today's fun i dropped m off at pre-school and then went to chunk's gymnastics class. i do what i am told - take your shoes off. i am scared of being barefoot anywhere but my own home so i wear socks. i walk down the path, imagine chunk in one arm, enormous python hand bag in slung over other arm and my cute yellow heels hooked to my finger. then there is a tiny one step ramp that i step on and slip completely out of my socks and am laying on the ground on my side. the miraculous thing about this is that i was holding chunk and he did not get hurt or get near the ground. my mother's instinct made me hold him up and kept him safe - my knees and shins are killing me and i am sure i will be nicely bruised by tomorrow.

update - i am still sooo sore from this tumble. that will teach me to try not look cute now that i don't have to. where are my yoga pants, fit flops and american apparel tee? i would rather much rather slip looking like a schmuck than all cute and sh*t.

not exactly homemaking

i need a better title than homemaker. i have gone so long with a title that now without i seem lost. i cringe at the homemaker reference but use it to amuse my husband. he is still waiting for the sparkly house. i'm not quite at that stage yet. i think that if the kitchen is not crawling with dishes and that my bed is made is a big win right now. but we are only on week two. i am still exhausted from everything from the last few weeks. i have endless dr.s appts. for me and the kids. is there a title for that? can i be an appointment keeper? is that a good title? seeing that i have 1-3 of them a day it seems like something more substantial than homemaker since i am still not exceeding in that realm.

lady who dines...

i thought having time off meant i was a "lady who lunches". all my mornings and afternoons are now full of appts and kids stuff. when they are ready for bed is when i socialize. i have been out to dinner the last two nights with girlfriends. the big guy doesn't mind b/c the kids are down or almost down and he can lay on the couch watching sports without me wanting to change to the food network. dinner now lasts 3 hours long. i don't just eat - it is a pouring of souls. it is my only interaction i get with the outside world. am i now under house arrest? only allowed to go to supermarkets and dr. appts. otherwise the guilt of having time off and not spending it with the kids gets to me.
if you really want to know the truth - yes the nanny still came over 4 times last week! this week i have her down to 3 days. hopefully i can go to the grocery store only 2 times not 5. i am proud to announce we did not order any take out this week. life has it's small victories. this is alomost like i am alcoholic counting the days i stay sober. by the time i get used to not working i will have to go back. i better take my head out of my ass and start enjoying myself.
speaking of enjoying myself - we finally had the belated father's day for big b. the first one was at discovery kingdom - bad idea! the 2nd one was in the hospital while i was in surgey and then recovering. yeah - not so much. then finally we got him a gas grill yesterday. he spent all day assembling it and it worked on the first try. he did not get the fancy stainless one - he got the big black one with two chimney's that come out of the top with a side burner for your beans. he loves it! we broke out the all the chairs and mini picnic table for the kids and had a grill out with all the neighbors. we got the sand and water table that is really a mud table now. both kids called the mud "poop", i guess city kids never see mud and the mini blow up pool (that eventually got sand in it too). even the sprinklers got turned on. hours of fun! now if the playhouse, slide thing comes soon the back will be complete. fully kid-ified and i will not have to leave the house to entertain. ah - the city-suburban thing can be fun.

herbaliciousness

I don't think i mentioned that i have to drink an herbal supplement from my acupuncturist for the 3days. 3 level scoops into warm water. didn't smell too crazy to me as i am used to growing up with my mom's herbal soups to cure and ward away all evils. i should have her teach me but no one here will drink it unless it was pumped with sugar and carbonated and called "soda". ok, i digress as always. back to this new supplement. i swear it gives me a feeling of wellness. i can't call it anything else. she said it was for stress, blood producing, my digestive system and sleeping. it's only for 3 days but i wish the feeling will last longer. or is it my "chi" getting in balance already from my first session? what a load of hoo haa. i have another session of stick, suck and spank tomorrow. we'll see!

lemon love

i am now trying to make lemon bread - i was out of sugar and baking powder and lost my loaf pan. but i already started. thank god for neighbors that had baking powder - had to bridge the language barrier with their spanish speaking nanny and then to the corner store for more sugar and found the pan. the lemon bread was $4.29 at trader joes. I have spent $3.00 on flour, $4.00 for sugar and $3.00 for baking powder, $1.29 for lemons. I should have bought the premade lemon loaf.

i substituted 1/4 of the sugar with brown sugar and all of the milk with buttermilk - i had it so why not use it! frankensteining recipes at it's best!

ok - it's the evening now and everything is complete -here is the recipe and it was yummy. i'm sure even better tomorrow as baked things usually are. do not cook the lemon and sugar too long or it will get bitter.

http://www.bigoven.com/163806-Glazed-Lemon-Bread-recipe.html

uh oh...

m love is at it again. yesterday he swung from the curtain at school and it ripped out of the wall rod and all. then today he called someone a chicken butt and the kid said it back and he turned and hit him in the nose. wtf? really? the wii has been evicted from our house. the teacher said some kids can handle video games some cannot. i have one that can't. he doesn't know what's real and make believe

last week he was a a dream. great at school and at home. lots of praise and rewards for his actions. like we are supposed to do. then this. i understand one week does not change a thing but there is no consistency. life is not predictable or easy.

even though he was bad today i spent some time with him and made home made biscuits. fun to do and it was one on one time for us. a yummy reward and teaches great math skills too. it required 3 cups of flour - and after the first cup i asked "how many more cups?". he answered "two" right away. impressive for me as i sometimes drill him math on the way to school and i can tell he is using his fingers. it also taught him how to read 1/2 and what it looked like compared to 1. the little rewards is all i can ask for.

here is the biscuit recipe...

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/biscuits-with-milk-gravy-recipe/index.html

going to get fat now

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ask-aida/rigatoni-with-creamy-eggplant-and-mozzarella-recipe/index.html

Now I get to try new recipes b/c i have the time. I will post the ones that are yummy and this one surely is. it is a flavorful eggplant pasta dish.

h today means HEALTHY

i had an acupuncture appt. today. 1st one with this particular dr. way out on 35th and irving - far far away. yeah that is how the sunset feels to me! small, bare bones office out of something that looked like it used to be a house. they sat me down at the front desk and asked "what's wrong?". um - i need some privacy. so i go into a small room off to the side with the receptionist (who is the translator) and the dr. a nice older chinese man. the whole conversation was me telling something to the lady and then she saying in chinese to him what i felt. i could understand some but not all. medical terminology is not the conversational chinese i can understand. at one point i told them about the time i went to someone when i was pregnant with chunk and he cut my ear to bleed me. yup that's it. the dr. shook his head and said we don't do that in the us - only china. i tell them everything. they say i am pale and sickly, he shook his head when he saw my tongue and then pulled my lower eyelid down and did not like what he saw. dude - i told you i lost alot of blood! i get ushered into the tiny room and lay on the paper covered table. he puts some needles in me - that is nothing to me - i love it. until i start to uncontrollably cough! well those needles are in there and when the muscles tense it is not fun. it gets worse. i then go through cupping - something new for me - it's like i have to lay there still as they lay a giant octopuses all over me and their tentacles are sucking away! ouch! i have big purple circles all down my back. just weird. i have to go 3 days a week for the next month. no joke. i have to get better and this is how i'm going to do it.

reunion

Just a quick pic of me and the boys after i got back from the hospital in my comfy clothes. this is how i'm going to look everyday now. yoga pants - check, house coat check, no makeup check! also check out the face the chunk is making - that is his picture face. pretty isn't it?

need a new title

we are into the first few hours of me not working - today was my last day of 10 1/2 years of talking about jeans. i did not say goodbye. i didn't feel it was necessary to send out the email to everyone i've ever worked with. i do not feel my time of no title is going to last that long.

i also have to change the title of this blog - mommy, shoes and life? nope - no more work - can't buy shoes - still a mommy. we'll see if i can come up with something appropriate when i am out of my anemic state. as i write i am in an iron deficient haze of exhaustion. big b keeps reminding me -you were just discharged from the hospital 72 hours ago - GO REST!

i want to make lists and check off little boxes - i actually think i bought some note paper that had boxes where i can make notes. this is going to take some getting used to. i am going to rest one week and then pressure myself to get things done.

soo tired, i have a headache and i'm thirsty. i have an appt. with the surgeon tomorrow and i am going to ask for all the gory details. i need to know what happened to me while i was under in a room with 4 men on saturday.

sounds more fun than it was. i'll stop complaining now.

i am going to live

it is a long story so i will shorten it - on friday my odyssey began...

1. unexplained bleeding - 12the day
2. ultra sound and blood tests
3. IUD missing
4. admitted to hospital
5. xrays
6. emergency surgery on saturday, not going to make it to monday!
7. found tumor
9. removed tumor
10. borderline anemic now
11. tests came back - inconclusive for now but "not going to die of cancer" was how the dr. put it

they still don't know why i was bleeding - but at least i don't have cancer. there i said it. more tests later a follow up with the "cervix man" of san francisco, this friday. hopefully more good news. i love my kids, my husband and want to enjoy my time off with them until i go back to work!

yes, tomorrow is my last day - 10 1/2 years. haven't even thought about it too much as the above story had me occupied.

moral of this story is to always trust your instincts - if you think something is wrong - it is wrong! don't let nurse's tell you it's no big deal - get a hold of your dr.!

i'm a bad person

you know - i understand that mj was a legend and all. but i am having a really hard time getting past the pedophile thing. is it just me?

do not ever think of doing this...

attack of the blue snow cone

me and batman before i go out dancing with hundreds of gay men

"so - what do you want to do for father's day?

" i don't care - what do you think?"

"i'll see what everyone else is doing"

i pick up the phone to call meme...

"it is free day at 6 flags for guests of season ticket holders"

"sounds cool! we'll do that for a couple of hours and then go to petaluma and have dinner and pick up the chunk" he had been at g-parents for the weekend. that was my present to them. isn't that nice of me?

so, you may say already sounded like a disaster of an idea. but not really. we had gone a bunch of times to 6 flags last year on their free days and we would go in when they opened and then got the heck out of dodge before it got too crowded. oh no - not this year. the 45 minute drive to the exit to vallejo was normal. the extra 45 minutes to get off of the exit and enter the parking lot was not. the crazy long security line and then the horrendously long ticket line was also not normal. the checking to make sure that the season txt holders had only one guest was not normal either. we had 3 extra. more waiting to try to figure it out. it was worst than ikea in there and hot. we split up by age group -younger one's did the kiddie things and the older ones went on real roller coasters. by 3:30 - i expected to be out by 12 - the kids got to ride on a good amount of rides. how was the older crowd doing? they had rode on one ride. ONE ride! we decided to leave and to go home. we stopped at a combo gas station, baskin robbins and carl's jr. i got a shake, m love got a scoop and b went to get a burger. me and m love got the treats and sat in the car for at least 15 minutes waiting. where the heck was b? waiting, waiting, waiting - he must be laying bleeding on the bathroom floor after being mugged. i had to check - OMG he had not even got the food yet. no burger at a fast food place is worth a 1/2 hour wait. then the ride home was all on poor b. i fell asleep almost immediately as i went out dancing last night and needed to catch up on my sleep. we did not get home until 5:30. it was plain awful. i left out a lot but i had to get some of the this story of of my chest.

kids are for loving

just when you thought i about lost it - losing it means walk back into vp's office and take back my resignation so i don't have to spend time with my satan spawn. i had a moment. m love freaked out a few more time since i completed my post a few hours ago and i finally had him in bed. thought i would try to salvage the day and have a cuddle. he had times of weepiness and i finally asked why are you so sad about everything? "i miss all of my friends - i like my new school but i miss my friends and i think they don't know where i am." again a heart wrenching moment for me of course that's why he is sad. knee jerk - take him out of presidio and put him back in tule elk. but no, i bring myself back to the whole reason why we are doing this. he needs some familiar faces at Lafayette. i knew 2 transitions were going to be hard on him b/c he is the worst at them. let's see what the next 2 weeks brings. he is a very complex kid. not a simple boy - i have to understand that. i apologized for yelling so much today and he said it hurt his feelings. of course it did! tomorrow will be better - we will do some shopping together for food so he can make dinner and lunch choices for himself. we also talked about getting a soccer ball and baseball to practice this summer with. he seems honestly interested. there will be peaks and valleys as big b tried to tell me on the phone today but this time will pass and i will regret not loving him even when he is a whiny, cry baby. he just needs to communicate better and i have to get better at not saying anything and just giving hugs.

sh**ty attitude

it amazes me how a series of whining and crying episodes will just ruin my day. m love had no school - i negotiated with them that he be off fridays b/c i would be taking him to gymnastics anyways. he gets to stay at home with his nanny and brother. i get home from work - throw the bikes, helmets, knee and elbow pads in the car, fill their recyclable aluminum water bottles and get a couple of diapers and we are ready to rock! he gets in trouble with teacher eric within 5 minutes. he's like a wound up toy that has not been able to spin. but when it is an inappropriate time, that is when he chooses to let it go! instructions go in one ear and out the other. this goes on for 45 minutes. now it's time to go bike riding - only wants the helmet - fine - the training wheels are still on. they go all the way down the path but the chunk sees the beach and cannot resist the water. he is wet up to his waist, i am up to my knees in san francisco bay water - then sand. then i put him on his balance bike (the kind with no pedals) and push him to meet up with the group at the warming hut at the end of the trail. cookies and lemonade lovingly supplied by d! i am done already and head back to the car to bring it closer b/c my back cannot make the trip back pushing the chunk. when i return - he wants his knee pads - another trek back to the car. on return he wants his elbow pads. no way - crying ensues. then it is time to go. ok - you can go with d and then i will meet you at pasta pomodoro. only in batman costume. no way. crying again. now you have to come home b/c i will not unleash your psychosis on my best friend no matter how nice she is. now it is the $30 dinner i ordered for us that he won't eat b/c all of the sudden he doesn't like the color of the broth the noodles are in. he gives in and wants the chicken nugget appetizer which he never will eat but i have just eaten all of them except for 1/2 of one. so he gets half a nugget and i then force him to eat one posticker. which takes forever - 2 hours i tell you to eat 1/2 a chicken nugget and 1 potsticker. i would have let it go but he kept telling me he was hungry - so eat! we ended things nicely over an organic nectarine with him in my lap. he will get 10 min of movie and a story and he will be down if i so can help it. i am sleeping alone tonight. i am taking an ambien and going to love every unconscious moment of it. i hate reading posts like this so i am so sorry i wrote one like this. how am i going to be a SAHM? days like to day make me wonder - and then days like today make me think this is exactly why i need to do this.

frozen confection and 5mg valium will make it better

i just wolfed down a haagen daaz almond vanilla ice cream bar - just picked some melted chocolate off my shirt. all very charming. 1/2 a valium earlier this evening when i got home. all this to appease my unrest about my first born. m love had a good day at school except he will not eat his lunch when he it is the time to eat lunch but during silent reading time and the humming he does is not appreciated. i get more and more nervous that he is not as normal as he should be. but then he builds the most incredible sculpture at school that the teacher is in awe of. it is a series of squares that get increasingly bigger and curve into an s shape. he did one and then a mirror image of it and then twisted together. i will try to post - but almost creepy how amazing it was. i know it is his third day and i maybe taking the feedback all too personally. i need to get thicker skin. but he doesn't even have skin.

tomorrow we are going w/miss m and n to circus showcase - more acrobatics. hope they like it. it will be nice to go just the 4 of us. i am also going to Launch - the big kick off dance party for gay pride week at the regency ballroom on saturday. big week. need to shake some bad mojo off.

i am 50% wanting to go ask for a job. start part time for now and then go full time when things get better. i know not a good idea! talk me out of it!

smack down

i had the worst start of a morning - not only was i anxiety ridden about the 2nd day of school, the director had to talk to me about something. when i finally separated from m. i went to the office it was a bit harder today b/c he was aware that he was "that kid" who got into trouble all the time. the d took me to her office and said that it was a mistake to accept m in b/c her school did not take kids just for the summer and he had to leave. i said i changed schools under the advisement of the director and his teacher from his previous school. he was already in, already began so i saw no need to take him out. she does not have the warmest personality and is quite abrasive. words were exchanged and it came down to me telling her that she was taking out the misunderstanding on me and i did not appreciate it. she said she was not and i said her delivery sucked. yes, in front of all of her employees. i was not going to let her walk all over me. i drove to work almost in tears and shaking. before i even arrived i had a vm telling me it was ok for m to stay in the school. 2nd fight in 7 days that i have won. feels good. sometimes those people that are mean just need to be reminded to act human and they snap out of it.

btw - m had a great day in school today. spent 3 hours at the beach. he is my m i know and love. hopefully tomorrow will be another good day.

m's first day of transitional kindergarten care - it's a long and boring title

can you say out loud with me - TOTAL DISASTER?! yes, he threw sand at kids, licked their faces (WTF?), put everything in his mouth, flicked ears and had a fit during circle time. i am taking all of this personally - i have failed as a mother to bring up a well adjusted boy. i busted out my copy of "how to talk to children so they talk to you" - or something like that and "how to free your child from anxiety". both books i purchased during a time of crisis and both i read a bit of and then put down b/c things got better after while. as you can see that all of this is on my priority list as i took a nap and am writing on these blogs.

the cutest little girl in the class took to him immediately and was hovering around his perimeter for the hour i was there this morning. when i was leaving i asked her to look out for him and there she was was - right at his side when i got there to pick him up. i am proud he did not cry when i left - he did not even cling. he made friends and he played with them. just the other stuff is such a bummer. such a long list. i think i need to read those damn books.

tomorrow is a big day - they walk to the Beach at Crissy field. he likes to bolt and run ahead. he needs to control that for the group. and there is the sand element too. 3 hours at the beach. so heavenly if you ask me! i love this school already just b/c of what is at their fingertips at the presidio. i think the chunk is going to go there.

couger night

tonight i accepted an invite to a dinner with a friends night out with the other mom's from her sons catholic school. we went le colonial - supposed to be yummy. the appetizer - ahi tuna was yummy, the shaking beef - mediocre and the molten lava cake better than average. ok, so there is the review of the food.

the company review is next - my friend m, love her but she is a cancer (the astrological sign) to the bone. which is generally a bit crazy. the other women were over 40's divorced and some single and really bummed about it. i fit in splendidly. not really b/c i am not great around people and am happily married. i was genuinely uncomfortable with all the shit talking. oh well. i am sure they do not like me too well. i heard things like "do you know vera wang is at kohl's now!" um really? not too impressive...one had a chiffon cheetah print top and an updo with tendril action hanging from the sides. we all have kids about the same age - why do i seem in my head so much younger. maybe it is just in my head. maybe these thoughts are for no one except strangers. yeah that's it.

m love - the next chapter

i held it together pretty well today for the graduation. m love in his skinny black jeans and skinny tie - too cute. chunk is officially hipster prep. i hate the dumb mohawk - faux hawk rock rock and roll thing for kids now. mine are going preppy - against the "cool" thing to do which is so over done. m love got his first argyle sweater and i love it. yes, i am concerned about the style my children have.

big f*ckin' momentous occasion

m love graduates preschool tomorrow. can you believe it. i plan on crying even though i don't cry (unless it is a bad drew barrymore movie). there are some really nice people that i saw every day that i will not anymore. the school is special but it is time for him to move on. he is starting presidio cdc on monday and hear it is a fantastic school. we will see if i like it enough for the chunk to go to.

work is whipping into a frenzy - i am doing enough to get by - i feel myself checking out bit by bit. i am at complete odds with myself on what i want to do. i am scared. i made a comment about how i am eating a frozen dinner for dinner to save money and someone made a crack about if i sold my bags on ebay i could make $10,000 to survive on. ha! i knew they were a good investment. 6 months i can go back - that is enough time for me to decide if i hate it or not. i repeat i do not want to be a maid and chauffeur!

another funny thing happened at work - one of my favorite gay boys passed by and asked - what have u been doing? you look great -"cut the hair?" - no (though i do need to touch up my roots) - "botox?" - yes. he nearly fell to the ground and everyone turned their head to look. so i admitted it - 2 shots right between the brows! so i don't really need it but isn't that the point??? preventative? so that opened up how everyone wants to do a little of this and that. i own what i do! i am not ashamed! i think everyone thinks if you do it that your whole face freezes. absolutely not. that reminds me i need to buy up the rest of the 100 for 50 gift certificates for the epi center.

hey - that latisse is not working for me - kind of bummed. what it's been 3 weeks?

keep you posted!

train wreck

i am addicted to the housewives of new jersey. i love how they "tawk". i should be sleeping.

the chunk has decided he does not like his crib and will cry for almost 45 min. i say almost b/c we cannot go longer than that with out going in to help him out. something is going on but i don't know what it is.

m love is graduating preschool on thursday and i have picked him up the cutest clothes. i am so tired of the mohawk - rock and roll kid look. not so cool, since everyone is doing it. i'm going for hipster preppy. much cuter and not so poser. am i in highschool still? why do i care so much? i get uncomfortable when i am not dressed to my standards and i feel the same way for my kids i guess. big b on the other hand i cannot do anything about. he is what he is. i digress - we visited the school that he will attending this summer 4 days a week. the presidio child development center. it will give him a chance to meet some other kindergartners that could potentially be in his class. i am doing all of this for him...

work is crazy - everyone is gone and i have to support - 3 weeks and counting. i can't tell you how i am regretting it a bit. people can't believe i am going to be a SAHM. me neither! let's see. i am looking into getting my image consulting lesson - would love to personal shop and do makeovers. i could also life coach i think. i seem to always be talking people off ledges! i could be one stop shopping.

i took d on a shopping trip this weekend - 3 hours long - if i charged 150 an hour it would have been alot of money. but i got her all she needed for her vacation. fantastic! i would love to go through her closet and get rid of stuff. i should do the same thing. i have so many jeans there is no room for any of it. must purge!

i feel like a casualty of war

today was intense. lay offs for my team - my team for one year, where i did not feel a part of, always an outsider, since i came from men's. everyone and i mean everyone was let go or moved into a different department. it was an anxiety full day - wish i had my valium refill. which by the way i got today and will partake during work b/c i am a bit thrown off my game. my director, 1 senior, 1 assitant and 1 data person. 1 senior was spared and moved over to another brand. a less "sexy" business since their tastes are more conservative which would serve the better thamn ours. i am shocked. i cannot beleive everone is gone. i am left to keep it a float while they figure it out for the next 30 days. it is going to be a doozy - you simply cannot run a 10+ million unit business w/no one left and 1 person on their way out.

onto other pressing things - had a mtg. with m love's afternoon teacher and the speech therapist the other day. they confirmed he needed to be evaluated for speech therapy in kindergarten. duh - we have known he has a problem for over a year. they also said he had self regulating issues - something new for me. doesn't like loud noises or sounds and needs to learn to cope with these things himself through more "play" so more play dates are in order to build this capability in him. they recommened i look into the afterschool program for his kindergarten and get him in there so he can meet new kids that could potentially be in his class. well that day i go thim transferred. this will benefit two fold in my mind - he will get into e new "play group" and then meet new kids. both things help his self regulating and familiarity when he gets to kindergarten. i think this is a good thing for him. my beginnings of a SAHM!

the big boulder theory

why am i so nervous about tomorrow? i am really doing it! or am i really doing it? i can probably stop it now if i wanted to but i don't think i will. why not wait until i am 39 to get my first tattoo and leave my job in an unstable economy? the way i see it - how bad can it be to spend the next year with the chunk? get m love off to school and then find another job? my kind of job is not easy to if you are new at it but i am definately not new. i just have to keep up the young appearance. therefore - we are on a budget but botox is still in that budget. no one knows i am mad any more. my husband has joked that i am starting to over compensate another part of my face to show distaste. hope i do not start new wrinkles there!

to work or not to work...

i asked my boss today to see if i still had an opportunity of taking a package that was offered to me about a year ago during my transition to the misses team. that would mean i would voluntarily lay myself off. next week we find out if we have jobs or not. i guess i could not wait. i want to take time with the chunk and get micah off to kindergarten if i can. let's see if i committed career suicide by fleeing during "breakthrough". i am excited about taking the risk.

inked

i got inked today - a first. it took almost 40 years to decide what was important enough for me to have memorialized on my body forever. i think it is simple looking and pretty - the boys middle names. i now cannot brag about not having a tattoo b/c around here you stand out more when you don't have one. i don't know what came over me but it did and i like it - pics to follow...

a few decades later

i had the pleasure of going to nin and jane's addiction on friday with miss d. loved it. found out when we got there during the show that it may likely be the last nin show ever. glad i did not miss it. it is almost summertime so nin went on during the day light which is not as fun but they did end after sunset. it was a nice mix of old stuff and new. trent made music that changed my taste in music and i am glad i have got to live the past 20 years with him. jane's addiction had it's original line up. it was in fu**ing credible! loved it they were so good! all these bands bring me memories of dancing with trent in a hotel room - experiencing my first space cake in a foreign country, learning how to stage dive blah blah blah. mommy has done a few fun things before settling down.

the crowd i must get into - the majority was older like me - but the fashion was firmly still of that decade. i hate to say it but i was perhaps the best dressed and best looking there - even being forty and try to dress warm for the cold evening. i do not ever think that is the case when i venture out - but when you go out in the burbs there is not much competition. i even felt like i was being checked out when we ate at a sports bar before the show.

on to saturday - we got up early to trek to petalumie to be reunited with my chunk. i have missed him so much. he did not make it until at least 3pm - much too long to wait. big smile and all those cheeks and teeth. i spent an hour laying in bed with him tonight while watching planet earth way past his bedtime. he loves animals and i was his pillow. when he got excited about something he likes to point and tell me about it. he clearly using mama when is asking for me and baba for big b. he also knows bah for ball. my parents do know how to train. i told popo that 4days is as long as i can go without him and she told big b that the solid week was not enough and she wants 2 years. she did not try this on me. i know that we are lucky to have g-parents that love their g-kids but 2 years! i am glad she is not getting laid off her job or we would have to do some serious negotiating. that will be for another day.

the weather is awful - cold and foggy. makes me want to go to the suburbs. all we could do was leave for target and spend $300. we are such consumers. we did get one things that the kids love called the "hairy ball" if you don't have it you must pick it up.

i am going to eat a bunch of ice cream now. good night!

adventures in no-babysitting

i am on my 4th day of no chunk. i finished a book last night and started another one. the house did not get cleaned and i still stayed up until 12:30am. doesn't seem like i am in a better place b/c he is gone. i am taking advatage of being lazy. when he is here we have to stay a well oiled machine - ticking off the to do list ingrained in our minds of our daily activities. i wish he was here to bug me and give me hugs.

bittersweet sunday

i touched up my roots tonight, did a glycolic acid mask, showered, lotioned etc. i would usually be thrilled at being so productive and have it only be 9pm. but the chunk is gone at popo's. they done came this afternoon and plucked him from my arms and headed north. he was feeling cranky for the past couple of days. he had 3 shots and 4 canines and 2 molars coming in. who wouldn't be cranky? i warned them and hoped he wouldn't be a pain to them. um - he is plain in bliss - not a touch a crankiness. playing, running, calling out to the neighbors as they walk by. so i miss him but he sure doesn't miss me. i'm going to celebrate by taking an ambien and sleeping in the middle of the bed!

how the hell am i supposed to know?

we do the drive home from preschool everyday. i usually can't get m love to talk - what happened today? what was your favorite part? any good stories? what was for lunch? he can't remember or doesn't want to participate. cat did not have his tongue today! "mommy? how do you make a baby? how did the chunk come out of you?" -

"WHAT? why do you ask?" i can't think of how to respond at age appropriate language. so i ask him questions back to try to lead him off the trail. it didn't work at first but after about 10 minutes of me skirting the issue, he let go. whew! i was going towards the egg and sperm route - you know - get technical and hopefully he would wouldn't want to know what apparatus to use to to do such fertilizing. better warn big b so he can handle it in the future. good thing i had 2 boys - he can handle both.

happy grandmother's day

i think what was more important to me today was to celebrate my mother rather than my own motherness. it seems that we all as new-ish mother's appreciate our mother's more now than we ever did. i do b/c she had 3 of us all a year apart with a shoe string budget. she had to figure out what to do with us when my dad was not around for those few years. she moved us across the country without support from her family while leaving her steady job at burger king. how much money could she have made there over 30 years ago? she did not have education b/c she was the third in line of seven children and had to help care for her younger brothers and sisters in china to help them get an education. now they are all engineers. she was always the generous and giving soul she is today - always putting all of our needs first... so today will never be about me if i can celebrate my mother first. happy mother's day to my mother - i love you and would be nothing without you!

mind you this picture shows her with her new love - the chunk and his hair is usually god awful when he gets up. but i think she may have cut it a little. she did once to m love and being the hipster cute kid with g-ma cut bangs did not do.

mother's ok to consume day!

i received my box in the mail - i opened it. loved the new boots! as a good wife and mother would do i sent an email to my husband "i love the mother's day present! thank you!". I'm sure he thought "huh? what are you talking about?". why leave it to chance? too much of a gamble even if i lead the winess to the choice of stores i like. earlier in the week my husband sent me a long list of transactions that posted to his cc. what is this endless.com? why do they have so much of my money? shoes and lots of them - all shipped overnight for free with free returns. i see no gamble in that transaction. no time spent away from my children trolling through stores. win/win!

update on the chunk. he is doing fine - just 48 hours of benadryl and he is good to go. the rash was almost gone by the next morning. he was even well enough to go home with his popo to sr and spend a nice weekend with them. it is so quiet without him. big b realizes how boring it would be w/out him around and how spoiled m love would be if he got all the attention. fine line between love and over excessive spoiling! it is much too easy with one 5 year old. i threw out there how one more child from my womb and an adopted chinese girl would complete the set. he will never touch me again :).

nuts are evil

today i went to the dentist after preschool drop off - got to work late so there was no parking in the secondary lot b/c the primary lot is closed b/c of the swine flu. don't ask! i had to park near pier 39 - very far from work. had a full day with lots of mtgs. then picked up m love at preschool and then went to safeway to get milk and some odds and ends. went home cooked dinner - then hell broke loose! big b gave chunk some cashews and he had a bad reaction. his skin bubbled up with hives and then puked. off to the emergency room for me. just got home and happy the little guy is a bit better but is on a 48 hour watch. that's all i did today.

why 5 yr olds hate 1 year olds

don't get me wrong - big b and i talk all the time about the kids but we just had a meeting of the minds. the chunk actually is a bit of a sneaky one - likes to get his brother in trouble. every evening before bed m love gets to watch a bit of his dvd. big b put the chunk in bed with him a few nights ago so they could watch a bit together. after a couple of minutes there is a blood curdling cry - of course big b runs in accusing mb of laying a hand on his baby brother. no - there was no mistreatment, big b leaves again. a few minutes later - the same screams and the same accusations fly. the scene appears the same - children at either end of the bed - apparently giving each other much personal space. after telling me this story i remember that the same thing happened to me. i also came in guns a blazin'. i guess babies like to be supervised or have devious plots to get their brothers in trouble. i think it maybe a bit of both for the chunk. when are we going to get used to this parental thing?

i am not miserable

i got wind of an aquaintances blog it is her experience as a stay at home mom. i have never read anything so miserable in my life. there is not one ounce of love felt. just despair and frustration. it really scares me, how is it effecting the kids? her marriage? i firmly beleive that if mama ain't happy no one is happy. i know that being a parent is tough but i find joy in it. i still feel like it is the best thing i have ever done. it's not all easy - i know but she sounds suicidal!



do you know that i love my mom? i think she is the best mom ever and so does my husband. she surprised us today with a visit. which we never mind b/c it means she is here to help with the kids and cook. she is also the best cook. she will stay the next few days which will leave us sometime to rest. she is a saint.



tomorrow is volunteer day at work. we spend one day a year as a company and volunteer our time. it is usually super fun except for when we have to scrape lead paint off old schools. very rewarding and then they throw a party for us at the end of the day. the only problem is that it lands on a friday this year so it cuts into the 1/2 day fridays that makes this company stand out from the others. i have to hope the tour bus is not running late so i can make it back to get the car, pick up m love and make it to gymnastics.

it's freezing but it's for ice cream

Today is a windy chilly day. Far from the 90+ degrees last week. We get home from work - ate dinner together, everyone eats the same thing, no tv and clean up right away. I am feeling very satisfied from my new rules. we bundle up and take a walk to the ice cream store. I see our kids eating their cones quietly on tall bar stools. Other kids start whining and being unruly, our kids look at them. i am bad, but i feel satisfied. I love my little family.

I love how chunk waves goodbye when i put him in the crib. it is the cutest thing. he knows it's time to go down and will put himself to sleep. this 2 child thing is getting much easier.

An Ordinary Tuesday

I never want to forget what it's like to play under the covers with the kids. The pure white fabric roof with giggling and wriggling. I am the "structure" that keeps the roof above our heads. My pay back is the kisses and hugs I receive back from all my hard work.

I love making a dinner that everyone loves with the help of our newly aquired organic vegetable box that arrived today. KISS - works for my family! Salad "just like a restaurant mommy!", grilled jerk chicken with garlic sauteed green beans. To top it off sugar free popsicles. I don't think anyone is noticing I am trying to make healthier meals. AWESOME!

My size 26 butt has become more of a size 27 and everyone knows how tight I already wear my skinny jeans. I am not helping my wardrobe choices.

Surgery day finally here!

The past week has been a doooozy! The chunk had surgery on Thursday. He was scheduled at 12:50pm so we were trying to distract him from the fact that he had not eaten since the night before. as you might know that solid food is a no no for anyone who is going into surgery. The hospital schedules surgeries according to age, so he was one of the older ones that the pediatric urologist was cutting that day. We get a call at 11:15 to come right away b/c a kid was brought in after having solids. We rush there only to have a totally inept receptionist - who did not get off a personal call to help me - did not even bother to pass the chart off to the nurse. i had to go back up to tell the same inept receptionist that we were asked to rush and should not be waiting this long. Only then did she decide to let them know we were there. We were ushered in me, b and popo to a little room and handed a gown for the chunk to change into. He was then administered a sedative to calm him down and not care about who he has to go with to get what done to him. Suffice it to say the little guy loved it - walking like a drunk guy and getting dazed. Then it was time to hand him to a stranger. It was cute, even though the circumstances were nerve wracking to me! 1 1/2 later we were allowed to see him in the recovery unit. A big room with curtains to separate patients but none of them pulled. There was my baby - in a big metal crib, naked on his side with an oxygen mask on. Frightening scene. I was told he was fine - a cut in his abdomen and a cut right below the sack to tack his business down. The dr. came to let us know he is healthy and everything is fine and while he was in there he found a hernia that he fixed. Poor guy! He ate a a popsicle and then we got him ready to go home with a prescription for liquid vicodin. he was a trooper the first day and the last 2 he has been suffering and swollen. I wish i could take the pain away.

Then last night we had a our first screaming ear pain episode. The fun never ends. how the hell do you handle that? He screamed and cried for 2 hours - flopped around like a fish. We had a play date scheduled w/his best buddy today after trying to get together for 6 months and today was the day. what did he do? play for 5 minutes and then laid on the bench for 45 minutes while i chatted. Luckily they had an appt. at the clinic and we got in. As M predicted ear infection. Who knew the 5 year old knew what he was talking about?!? anti-biotics again for the little guy.

Popo left last night - might as well call her mother therese, she is so helpful. today was a managing of 2 ticking time bombs by ourselves- how do we keep their crying to a minimum without exacerbating other bad habits like too much video games, tv and movies. we managed to do so (with a little fighting) and they ate a little food too.

Boy a week like this makes work seem so easy! I hope I am bored this coming week.

anxiety...

my kid has anxiety. anxiety to new situations, to new kids, to too many kids, to anything new. i did what any mother would do these days - go on amazon and buy a bunch of books. what else can i do? i want to make him a well adjusted child but he is just uncomfortable in his own skin. whrn he isn't feeling anxious he is a great little boy. he is so sweet. today he woke up late at preschool and freaked out - could not be calmed down. nap time usually ends and then it's time for a snack - he woke up during the snack. all hell broke loose. his teachers are worried about kindergarten. so am i. how is he going to cope when he cannot participate in gymnastics with 6 kids when kindergarten has 22!

birthday bonanza!

one week ago my baby turned one. tomorrow my oldest baby turns 5. 5 years ago tomorrow i had my first baby. it shocks me. my fierce independence while in my early adulthood and my carefree ways i never thought i would ever be here. married, 2 kids - house and happy. not in the suburbs yet though! i really want number 3 or even 4 - anyone else feel that way? i only wanted 1 now four? i guess i just love babies. wish we could afford it.