sh**ty attitude

it amazes me how a series of whining and crying episodes will just ruin my day. m love had no school - i negotiated with them that he be off fridays b/c i would be taking him to gymnastics anyways. he gets to stay at home with his nanny and brother. i get home from work - throw the bikes, helmets, knee and elbow pads in the car, fill their recyclable aluminum water bottles and get a couple of diapers and we are ready to rock! he gets in trouble with teacher eric within 5 minutes. he's like a wound up toy that has not been able to spin. but when it is an inappropriate time, that is when he chooses to let it go! instructions go in one ear and out the other. this goes on for 45 minutes. now it's time to go bike riding - only wants the helmet - fine - the training wheels are still on. they go all the way down the path but the chunk sees the beach and cannot resist the water. he is wet up to his waist, i am up to my knees in san francisco bay water - then sand. then i put him on his balance bike (the kind with no pedals) and push him to meet up with the group at the warming hut at the end of the trail. cookies and lemonade lovingly supplied by d! i am done already and head back to the car to bring it closer b/c my back cannot make the trip back pushing the chunk. when i return - he wants his knee pads - another trek back to the car. on return he wants his elbow pads. no way - crying ensues. then it is time to go. ok - you can go with d and then i will meet you at pasta pomodoro. only in batman costume. no way. crying again. now you have to come home b/c i will not unleash your psychosis on my best friend no matter how nice she is. now it is the $30 dinner i ordered for us that he won't eat b/c all of the sudden he doesn't like the color of the broth the noodles are in. he gives in and wants the chicken nugget appetizer which he never will eat but i have just eaten all of them except for 1/2 of one. so he gets half a nugget and i then force him to eat one posticker. which takes forever - 2 hours i tell you to eat 1/2 a chicken nugget and 1 potsticker. i would have let it go but he kept telling me he was hungry - so eat! we ended things nicely over an organic nectarine with him in my lap. he will get 10 min of movie and a story and he will be down if i so can help it. i am sleeping alone tonight. i am taking an ambien and going to love every unconscious moment of it. i hate reading posts like this so i am so sorry i wrote one like this. how am i going to be a SAHM? days like to day make me wonder - and then days like today make me think this is exactly why i need to do this.