An Ordinary Tuesday

I never want to forget what it's like to play under the covers with the kids. The pure white fabric roof with giggling and wriggling. I am the "structure" that keeps the roof above our heads. My pay back is the kisses and hugs I receive back from all my hard work.

I love making a dinner that everyone loves with the help of our newly aquired organic vegetable box that arrived today. KISS - works for my family! Salad "just like a restaurant mommy!", grilled jerk chicken with garlic sauteed green beans. To top it off sugar free popsicles. I don't think anyone is noticing I am trying to make healthier meals. AWESOME!

My size 26 butt has become more of a size 27 and everyone knows how tight I already wear my skinny jeans. I am not helping my wardrobe choices.

anxiety...

my kid has anxiety. anxiety to new situations, to new kids, to too many kids, to anything new. i did what any mother would do these days - go on amazon and buy a bunch of books. what else can i do? i want to make him a well adjusted child but he is just uncomfortable in his own skin. whrn he isn't feeling anxious he is a great little boy. he is so sweet. today he woke up late at preschool and freaked out - could not be calmed down. nap time usually ends and then it's time for a snack - he woke up during the snack. all hell broke loose. his teachers are worried about kindergarten. so am i. how is he going to cope when he cannot participate in gymnastics with 6 kids when kindergarten has 22!

birthday bonanza!

one week ago my baby turned one. tomorrow my oldest baby turns 5. 5 years ago tomorrow i had my first baby. it shocks me. my fierce independence while in my early adulthood and my carefree ways i never thought i would ever be here. married, 2 kids - house and happy. not in the suburbs yet though! i really want number 3 or even 4 - anyone else feel that way? i only wanted 1 now four? i guess i just love babies. wish we could afford it.

what now?

still trying to get used to this blogging thing - is it just what ever you are thinking at the time? is it only interesting stuff? is it my personal journal? it all will not work if i can't figure out how to press that little save button down there as i keep losing my numerous "musings"

xmas eve - is when my family celebrates and xmas - what me and and my boys do is now over. awesome! as m love really appreciates his gifts now and enjoys them. the chunk is still more interested in the paper it is wrapped in. i love having kids just for the fact i get to experience everything for the first time through their eyes. they are the dear little loves of my life. god forbid but i think i want another - there i said it. i can't afford it but i have fear that i will be bored when they are self sufficient in a few years. i know i am insane but i had to get it out. there it is - i'll probably feel differently tomorrow.

the planning is not over - i have chunk's birthday 1/8 and m love's is 1/24. m is the first born so he had 3 parties - friends and kids pizza, traditional red egg and ginger chinese banquet and smaller family party - wait make that 4 b/c on the day we had a great turkish dinner to celebrate with his girlfrind anya and their family. chunk being the 2nd is making me indecisive. will not go all out - but what is in between? i think a small open house party so our friends can come and go - very casual. m love of course is getting the indiana jones - swing on ropes, trampolines and zipline party at the gymnastics place. i also have to go to new york for work for a week in between all of this.

oh one more small thing - sign up for kindergarten in sf that i won't get into. another blog topic.

my most important task of the day was to get on the saks.com and take advantage of the 75% sale and buy myself some more clothes to go with my shoes and boots. go get in on some great deals - shopbop.com is good too for cool designer stuff with some good sales right now.

ramblings after the kids are asleep

i had a hard week this week. i feel like i have sabotaged my career by having kids. one was manageable but two makes me feel like i can not do anything well. i short change my kids, my husband and my job. no new news here. i have some soul searching to do on my next steps. how can i come back from maternity leave - have my job "eliminated" - placed in a temp position on a crazy team - acclimate to having 2 kids - help my family through a bankruptcy and 2 foreclosures - help remodel a new home in the last few months. i am starting to feel overwhelmed.